Happy Birthday to me!!

I'm turning 27 on Thursday. Can you believe that? I've been practicing a bit during the long break. If someone asks "How old are you?" I answer, "I'm 27." That sounds really strange. Somehow, I was able to see myself as a 24-, 25-, and 26-year-old. But being 27 is something I will have to get used to. You know how there are ages you actually envision yourself being? Like when you're a kid, being 10, 12, 13, 16, and 18 are a big deal. When you're 18, being 20, 21, and maybe 25 are ages to look forward to. But I guess for me, I just never imagined myself being 27. That's a pretty grown-up sounding number and yes, maybe it's about time I did some growing up.

I just realized that my birthday is really perfect because every year, I have a week or so to relax and just ponder on the past year and look forward to the coming year. God really did time that so I woudn't be too harrassed during my bday. Of course, there's that FHM party to attend to but I still have nothing to complain about because well, I just had a whole week to rest.

I've been trying to finish the book that I'm reading right now. I'm down to the last few chapters. The book is called "Your Best Life Now," written by Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston. Very appropriate because there are many areas in my life right now that I feel God is telling me to change for the better. And I'm just happy and grateful that at my age, I am beginning to really know better. Dati kasi I was full of pride, never recognizing or admitting the things I had to change. Now, finally, God is letting me know what these things are and I'm more than willing to change them, with God's grace of course. At least, one of the major things have been dealt with. Yes, folks, it's been more than a month of not smoking. Exactly 37 days. I know there will probably moments when I will be tempted but I believe God will help me through it. At least I don't have to lie to my siblings anymore or hide from people at church. Heehee... I'm mighty happy about that.

Going back to the book, it's really shed light on the areas I really have to change. Many things have been revealed to me and believe me, I probably lost some water weight from crying. It wasn't a sad book (it's a great book!), but it was just really talking to me. Sometimes what I read is not really for me but for friends who are in the low moments of their life right now and I can't wait to see those friends again so that I can share the truths I've learned.

I was thinking if I should put my to-change and to-do list here... You'll probably all be observing me and I was thinking if I wanted that and run the risk of being judged or laughed at. But I was thinking that if I'm really serious about this, I need to let all of you know. So here, my friends, are the things I have to change/improve on this year:

Temper - As you all know, this has been a problem for me in the past. I swear, hindi ako ganito dati but now I know, after a series of flashbacks, when I started to "act up" in this area. I won't say na lang when but what I can say is that it was a big *aha!* moment when I finally figured it out. And now that I know where it came from, I am hoping that I will have more success in controlling it. So pag nagsusungit na ako, please warn me na so that I don't get to the boiling point.

Timidity - I know, you must be wondering why this is here. But believe it or not, there are moments talaga na nahihiya ako. There are days naman when I am confident but I guess there are still times when I'm scared of putting myself out there and actually talking to people. I still get intimidated by a LOT of people, people you guys probably do not find intimidating. I have to stop stammering and getting nervous about talking to people because they are only people, too.

Humility - Need to improve on this. Humility and timidity are not the same. There's a big difference about being confident and being conceited. I sure don't want to be conceited but I feel there have been times in the past when I was so. Birthday resolution: Sabi nga ni Iza Calzado: stop comparing yourself to other people! That's probably what's making me timid at times and conceited at times. I don't know exactly how I will improve on this but I'm just praying for God's help.

Spending - Credit cards are wonderful. (Ha!) But I really must cut back on my spending. I really can't afford (at least not right now) all these things I've been buying. So I will pay off those debts by next year and just really buy what I need, instead of buying just what I want.

Organization - I have always, always dreamed of becoming organized. It must sound funny but I've always had a secret dream of becoming OC. I'm pretty good with details naman but I just really admire girls whose bags are so neat, whose desks have things on them but are still immaculate, who can actually keep a datebook. I drank a LOT of coffee just to get that Starbucks datebook but after March, I just gave up and left it at home. I want to finally get a datebook that I will use everyday. I want to list down all the things I need to do EVETYDAY and actually do them and put neat little checks next to the things I've accomplished. Weird but I really want to do that.

Weight - Nakakainis talaga! I lost 25 pounds from last year. Have gained back half of that. I'm scared that I might gain the rest. So please, please encourage me or if needed, drag me to the gym. I really cannot starve myself so the only solution for me really is to work out.

There. I think that's it. Will probably have more (faith) goals come new year so watch out for that. Thanks, everyone! It's been great being 26! :) Looking forward to 27 being even better!