Wonderings of love lost

To you:

I wonder if when you look at me, you can see my sadness. I wonder if when you see me smile, you know that I'm trying to be brave. I wonder if you know that everytime you're there, my tears threaten to stream down my face. I wonder if you can sense the longing I feel.

To be in her shoes... To be the one to make you smile, to be the one to make you laugh, to be the one to cook dinner for you, to be the one to fix your clothes every morning, to be the one you chat with about your day, to be the one you can experience things with.

Sometimes I wonder if there was something I did not do. Had I been too aloof? Had I been too evasive? If that time you made a step toward me, I had taken a step too, would things have been different? I know that I cannot change the things of the past but sometimes I wonder. I know that God's always prevails so I know I have no business to think otherwise, to think this is all a mistake. I guess the point I'm trying to make is deep in my heart, I am happy for you. I am happy that you have found the one for you.

I guess I'm sad not just because I long so much to be in her shoes, but a part of me wants to have a part what you two have. I want to have the history you have, how she first caught your eye, how you made a move to pursue her, when it was that you knew she's the woman God had intended for you to spend your life with. I want all that. Several people have already told me that God has better in store for me but right now, I can't imagine who that could be. I wonder how anyone can ever top you? On the other hand, I do believe that God has made for each one a perfect mate. And she's the one for you. And somewhere out there, there's someone also for me. I guess I just dreamt too much that it would be you and me in the end. I was sure that it was just a matter of time before it happened. But it is not so now.

Now, I need to let go of you, of the dreams that I have. I don't know how but by God's grace, I know it will happen. Enveloped in darkness and uncertainty, that is how I feel now. But I know that at the crack of dawn, the sun will come out, gradually creeping in to usher in a new day. I hope and I pray that that will be tomorrow.