Welcoming 2006

I woke up today feeling terrible. My head was literally spinning every time I turned my head. Imagine how it felt when I actually had to sit up, stand up, or walk to the bathroom. I don't know what was wrong with me but I thought I was going to pass out. My lola, Mama Julie, gave me medicine but it didn't help much in making me feel better--at least not immediately. Finally, when my mom suggested that we go see a doctor, the diziness disappeared--at around 4pm, a good 8 hours after I first felt the dizziness. I'm still feeling a bit nauseated (and I never feel nauseated, not even when I'm sick) but the dizziness is gone. I hope it doesn't come back because I did nothing but sleep the whole day, couldn't read, couldn't watch TV, couldn't even turn my head without feeling like hurling.

It's a good thing though, that I got sick today instead of the earlier this week because I just got back from a trip to Batangas with my family (father's side). It was a lot of fun, although Batangas is definitely NO match to my beloved Boracay. We stayed at a place called Balai sa Laiya, two resorts away from where Kris stayed (Blue Coral). So, even during the break, Kris and I saw each other and we were both a bit disappointed because we missed Boracay. Walking on the sands of Batangas was not a pleasurable experience. Swimming was not much fun either. The water was freezing the first day but I just couldn't resist the ocean. You take four steps into the sea and the water was up to your neck. The strong waves weren't much help, either. I must have inhaled a glassful of salt water that first day.

But all that didn't matter because I had a great time being with my family. There were twelve of us--me, Mama Letty, Lola Lulay (who is Tito Tong's mom), Tito Tong, Tita Menchi, Anton, Maia, Manito, Tito Jun, Tita Arlene, Denise, and Leah (Anton's girlfriend). My beach-deprived cousins from Switzerland did not want to leave the place but we left as planned yesterday.

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Can you believe by this time tomorrow, it'll be January 1, 2006?! How fast 2005 has gone but I am always happy about new years, because I always see them as new beginnings. I have already finished my faith goals for 2006 and I am just excited about how God will move in my life this coming year. 2005 has sure been a roller coaster ride but it's been a wonderful year. I do believe, however, that the best is yet to come and I know every day, I am one day closer to having all of God's promises fulfilled in my life. I just can't wait!

Let's give 2006 a hearty welcome!

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

Important Announcement

I have a new name.

Yes, folks. I finally decided. I am really, really tired having my name misprounounced. Heck, if Abram became Abraham and Jacob became Israel, then why can't I have a new name? Something that is actually easier to explain. The person who came up with Ro (for anyone who has mispronounced it in the past: it is Row, not Roh) is someone who used to be somewhat famous before because he's an athlete. This was when I was in high school and he had just joined the PBA and I sort of had a crush on him... He would always call me Row-mow-na, instead of Rah-mow-na, and since kinikilig ako dahil crush ko siya, I let him call me that. Eventually, it just became Ro and yun nga since I was then honored to have him give me a nickname, I made it my name and it stuck. People who knew me before senior year of high school still call me Ramona or Mona, which I actually like the sound of now, because my cousins are here and they call me Ate Mona (or Mons).

Anyway, from today on, I want everyone to start calling me Mons. My given name kasi is Ramona Cy. My mom likes Mons and Kris, my best friend, has finally come to terms with it so that will be my name from now on. Let's see how long before the name actually sticks...

Basta my decision is FINAL so don't tell me that you can't get used to calling me anything other than Ro kasi I'm tired of it na talaga. Okay, everyone? It's Mons, not Ro. Thanks and Merry Christmas!!

So this is how this feels

My grandfather died today.

I have gone through life, not knowing how it feels to lose someone close to you, someone you love. I didn't know it would feel like this. While I am grateful to God for making a way for me to be able to spend quality time with him these last six months of his life, I feel some regret. I wish I'd hugged him harder, kissed him more, told him straight out that I loved him last Tuesday when I last saw him. He wasn't feeling well then and I even jokingly told him not to eat dinuguan anymore because my lola said that caused him to feel sick and caused his hand to swell. I told him, "Papa, magpagaling kayo ha?" and he characteristically replies, "Sana." I didn't think that would be our last conversation. I know that he knows that I love him with all my heart and I rest in that thought. I just wish I had given more effort that last Tuesday, not for him (because I know that he can see me now and I know he knows how much I love him) but for me because I'm going to miss him terribly.

My Papa Rody is the one of the kindest men I've ever met. Even growing up, I've always been a little scared of my Mama Letty kasi medyo mataray siya (like me), but my Papa was always gentle, always worrying about us, if we were okay, if we were safe, if we were eating right. He would constantly ask me if there was someone courting me na. He loved listening to my stories and I loved making him laugh. I loved telling him about God and I loved answering his questions about God. Until now, he worries about my dad, his eldest son. He would worry if my dad sounded sick over the phone. He would worry if my dad showed any hint of loneliness or weakness because he was scared that my dad would go back to his old ways. I always assured him that my dad wouldn't because once you get to know the Lord, you will never be the same again. He said once before, pwede na daw siya mamatay kasi alam niya lahat ng anak niya okay na.

He was just so kind -- he would drive me every morning for the last six months to the sakayan, he would call everytime I would forget to inform him what time I would be home, he always worried that I might be hungry, he always was so happy at the thought of being able to spend time with family -- me, Tita Menchi and my cousins, Tito Jun, Tita Arlene and Denise. Until now, he would be so proud of my lola, for looking the way she is. He would always tell me nagmellow na si Mama talaga. He loved my Mama very much.

Papa, I love you and I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for being the best grandfather.

I'm feeling a bit better but I'm still not in the best shape. Yesterday, on my way home, I was thinking that no matter what I do, I can't change what's happening around me. God gave everyone free will so no matter how much we plan and hope, if people around us choose to make bad decisions, we can't change that. What I CAN change is my attitude--how I'm going to deal with this trial in my life. It's mighty hard but I know God is bigger than this problem and I know, like my dad said, that no matter what happens, God's will will always prevail.

It's just really disheartening. You love a person with all your heart, always forgiving and always forgetting, always choosing not to look at the faults, instead dwelling on all the good things, on blood, on ties that bind. Always protecting, always encouraging. But again you are disappointed about the choices they make. I love this person still, with my whole heart, and I know I will never stop loving her. But somehow, I don't know. I feel like an outsider in my own home. I feel like an accident, as if I'm just someone she has to love by default, because I'm her daughter. I know that she's made supreme sacrifices while I was growing up, I know I owe my life to her and I do love her, but why do I feel like I'm not part of my own family anymore?

One thing's for sure. Now, more than ever, I appreciate God, because no matter what happens and no matter how rotten I've been in the past, He never left, He's always here, even when I was the one who treated Him like an outsider before.

Thank you, Lord. I love you. You are my family.

Testing Ongoing

I am feeling pretty low right now. Some family matter, which is worse than my financial woes.

My heart is breaking, I can't really go into details, but that is how I feel right now. Heartbroken about my family. Praying and hoping, standing in faith really, that one day soon everything is going to be the way God wants it. I know God hears me and He's going to turn everything around, may not be in the way I want it, but His way which is the best way anyway.

Money Woes

For the first time in my life, I am having financial difficulties.

I remember being in prayer meetings and there would be so many people around me praying for financial breakthrough. I always thought how blessed I was for not having to worry about money. Then, my family moved to Laguna and I had to live with my grandparents and make a contribution, which was all good because I understood their situation. I decided then to move to my a place nearer work and now I have to pay rent, which is much bigger than my contribution at my grandparents' place but I said I needed to do this so I can really start growing up.

It's scaring me, really. And while I was computing kanina, I wanted to cry because I'm not even going to have any little amount left to put in my savings. I used to have P2,000 to spend for food and everyday expenses for two weeks. Now, I will have P900 left for food and traveling expenses (coming home from Laguna and going to BF once a week -- that's 60 for the trip from Laguna and 60 for the travel to QC, which means 120 subtracted pa from 900, which will then be left for food.)

It's scary because I'm not used to this. I was thinking bawasan ko na lang kaya ang tithe ko, but I know I can't do that because that first 10% doesn't belong to me, wala pa nga akong offering sa lagay na yon. Nilubos ko na this December when I got my 13th month pay and gave some extra money for offering. I do believe in the Sow and Reap principle so I will stand in faith that this financial lack is only temporary.

One thing's for sure, starting today I will be praying for financial breakthrough.

Sa Bahay ni Ate

Kung merong Bahay ni Kuya (Congratulations, Nene!), meron ding bahay ni Ate. Ate Eden, that is, my leadershp group leader. I moved into the condo last week and so far it's been good. The room I once thought was super cramped turned out to be not as cramped. I brought in the TV and DVD player last Friday and although it took up some space, I can still walk to the bathroom comfortably. I'm even starting to get used to having the electric fan (which we inherited from the owner of the place) rotating permanently. I'm still a bit uneasy about the floors. I'm used to being barefoot in my own house but the floor in my room (it being a maid's room in its former life) is just too suspect. Kaya pala before Ate Eden was asking me if I was going to put a carpet. So, instead of using the bathroom rug outside the bathroom, I put it near my bed so that I don't have to feel the cold floor. The window is just always open so I really feel the Christmas breeze and I have even found it so conducive for reading. I actually stopped a lot of my reading when I moved into my grandparents' place but now I read every night and have even gotten into the habit of reading the Bible as soon as I wake up, which used to be impossible for me to do before because I would always be in a hurry in the morning. Now, I can wake up at 9:30 and be at the office at 10am, so I'm not panicked, hurried, or harrassed when I get to work.

My housemates are nice. I still have to get to know them better but so far, everyone's been nice and accomodating. We pretty much leave each other alone to do whatever we want so I get the privacy that I need. I just can't be as controlling of the TV as I usually am because it's not my TV but I'm content being able to watch any TV at all. Medyo nahihiya pa kasi ako magchannel surf ngayon although feeling ko naman pwede. My other housemates have unconventional jobs, too, like one is a freelance production person so she wakes up late and comes home late, Ate Eden does events, Lilette is a dentist so she's out whenever she has patients. I don't know what the other two people do but they're usually not in the house when I leave and are already sleeping when I get there. I am hoping to get to know them better in the coming days.

12 Days to Christmas!

Christmas Wishlist

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas! I love the smell of Christmas, I love the feel of Christmas and most of all I love the little guy born on this day some 2000 years ago! I love giving gifts and of course, receiving gifts, too. This Christmas will be a truly special one, I am certain.God is good.

I don't know if this will help anyone but I'm listing down some things that I'm hoping to get this Christmas:
1. A digital camera

2. Proactiv Solution (Alicia Keys and Jessica Simpson are just so convincing but it's wayyy expensive for me. 4000 for two months? Yikes, I'd rather go to the dermatologist but if I can get it free or discounted, I'd be more than willing to try it.)


3. Skirts Size: XL

4. This beautiful jacket from Terra Nova. It's black and hooded with glittery stuff in front. I wanted to buy it for myself but thought it was too expensive. When I was up for it na, it was gone. :( (Size: L) Kris got it for me na! I can't believe it! All along it was in their bodega. Buti I asked about it because who knows when they'd bring it out again... And price was slashed by 50% Ang galing!!!

5. hangers, an extension cord, shampoo (Vaseline na orange or Pantene na green), rubber mat for the bathroom, air freshener (the spray kind a la Glade), Domex cleanser... A rubber doily so my lamp won't slide, a rack to put stuff on, a small bedside rug, a mop, a broom and dustpan (Yes, I'm moving in next week I've moved in!)

6. Earrings (Dangly ones) Can never get enough of those...

7. Back issues of the US editions of the following magazines: Marie Claire, Shape, and O.


8. VCDs I don't have yet (While You Were Sleeping, Beaches, Sixteen Candles, The Little BlackBook, You've Got Mail, Envy, The Mirror Has Two Faces...)

9. Marks and Spencer Cocoa Butter and Vanilla hand and nail cream

10. the book "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian

11. Burt Bee's lip balm

Advence Merry Christmas, everyone! :)

Postscript:

Kris requested a list of her own so here goes:

Choose from the following

1) Marks and Spencer Cocoa Butter and Vanilla hand and nail cream
2) the book "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian
3) Burt Bee's lip balm